Creative Responses to Anger
- davidwperk
- Jun 16, 2022
- 6 min read
Devotional Reflection, Thursday, June 16, 2022
Proper 6, the week of Trinity Sunday
The Rev. David W. Perkins, Th.D.
Key phrases for reflection from this reading:
15 ‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Daily Office Lectionary Readings (BCP, 971)
AM Psalm [83] or 34; PM Psalm 85, 86
Num. 12:1-16; Rom. 2:12-24; Matt. 18:10-20
Today we celebrate the Feast of Joseph Butler. (See below.)
Morning Prayer, Rite 2, page 75, Book of Common Prayer
Evening Prayer, Rite 2, page 115, Book of Common Prayer
Compline (Night Prayer), Page 127, Book of Common Prayer
Daily Office Gospel, Matthew 18:10-20
10‘Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones; for, I tell you, in heaven their angels continually see the face of my Father in heaven. 12What do you think? If a shepherd has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? 13And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. 14So it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost.
15 ‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.’
David’s Reflections
I agreed with this statement about anger when reading it in Julia Cameron’s classic on creativity: "Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? Because anger is a map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go."* I might amend it to include core values as well. Anger can be a map to core values that are being violated or threatened by another, as well as to boundaries. Or, perhaps core values might be part of our boundary system.
Here and in Matthew 5, Jesus teaches us that anger must be respected and that anger shows us where we want to go. In Matthew 5, the hearer has wronged someone. In today’s Gospel the hearer has been wronged by another. In each case, Jesus teaches that we are to seek out the one from whom we have been alienated, whether we or they have been in the wrong. We can quickly find ourselves in the wrong if we ignore Jesus’ words, even if the other has acted wrongly toward us.
Anger shows us where we need to go. If we are ashamed of our anger, we may well not listen to its voice. We may even deny that we are angry. But, if we can get past the shame, we may well realize that there was no moral choice involved in getting angry. We simply discovered that we were there. The moral choice comes in choosing what to do about the anger. If we choose to listen to it and to resolve the relational tangles it reveals, then we are beginning to align our lives with Jesus’ brand of relational wisdom. The other extreme would be to be proud of the anger, to embrace a “tough guy” or “tough gal” self image, or to double down and resolve that we are right and the other is wrong.
Obviously, there are many small bumps in relationships that will not require this kind of drastic attention. But, when a relationship has been wounded by the wrong words and actions of one of the participants and the bonds are strained, Jesus’ wisdom teaching becomes relevant, yet not in some sort of slavish literal fashion.
The abused child or spouse, for instance, might well have to create a safe way of expressing that woundedness, and the relationship might not be savable. Abused spouses often must flee and would find themselves in danger were their abuser to find them. An abused child may have to work through their anger after their abusing parent has died. Those challenges prove uniquely tough. Yet, the anger can, over time, be resolved and the wounded one can move on with a growing measure of freedom from the past.
Some relationships will remain broken because the other will not hear the anger and seek to join in the process of reconciling. What do we do in such a case? We can refuse to allow their lack of response to turn in on us and generate a new wave of anger. We can refuse to allow the alienation to worsen. We can keep our own hearts free and open by prayer, counseling, and whatever strategies we can develop. We can choose, by God’s grace, to be free of the other person’s behavior, to choose our own response to them rather than allowing their behavior to dictate ours.
Lines from the poetry of William Blake came to mind when I reread this Gospel this week.
I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe;
I told it not, my wrath did grow.#
*The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity (New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1992), p. 61
#From "A Poison Tree,” in Blake: Complete Writings. With Variant Readings. Ed. Geoffrey Keynes (London: Oxford, 1969), p. 218.
Collect of the Day, Proper 6, the week of Trinity Sunday
Almighty and everlasting God, you have given to us your servants grace, by the confession of a true faith, to acknowledge the glory of the eternal Trinity, and in the power of your divine Majesty to worship the Unity: Keep us steadfast in this faith and worship, and bring us at last to see you in your one and eternal glory, O Father; who with the Son and the Holy Spirit live and reign, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. (BCP, 228)
Today we celebrate the Feast of Joseph Butler, bishop and theologian (died 16 June 1752 CE).
Collect of the Feast of Joseph Butler
O God, who raises up scholars for your church in every generation; we praise you for the wisdom and insight granted to your bishop and theologian Joseph Butler, and pray that your church may never be destitute of such gifts; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who with you and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, one God, for ever and ever. Amen.
A Collect for Protection
O God, the life of all who live, the light of the faithful, the strength of those who labor, and the repose of the dead: We thank you for the blessings of the day that is past, and humbly ask for your protection through the coming night. Bring us in safety to the morning hours; through him who died and rose again for us, your Son our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen. (BCP, 124)
Guidance into the Future
O God, who has made us creatures of time, so that every tomorrow is unknown country, and every decision a venture in faith. Grant us, frail children of the day, who are yet blind to the future, to move toward it in the sure confidence of your love, from which neither life nor death can ever separate us. Amen.
(Reinhold Niebuhr, cited by Elizabeth R. Geitz, Calling Clergy: A Spiritual and Practical Guide Through the Search Process (New York: Church Publishing, 2007), p. xii.)
In the Order of Worship for Evening
Blessed are you, O Lord, the God of our fathers, creator of the changes of day and night, giving rest to the weary, renewing the strength of those who are spent, bestowing upon us occasions of song in the evening. As you have protected us in the day that is past, so be with us in the coming night; keep us from every sin, every evil, and every fear; for you are our light and salvation, and the strength of our life. To you be glory for endless ages. Amen. (BCP, 113)
A Collect for Mission
O God of all the nations of the earth: Remember the multitudes who have been created in your image but have not known the redeeming work of our Savior Jesus Christ; and grant that, by the prayers and labors of your holy Church, they may be brought to know and worship you as you have been revealed in your Son; who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever. Amen. (BCP, 257)
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